October 2, 2021

Saying “YES AND” is not always an easy thing to do...in fact there are occasions where we get offers that we want nothing to do with! What do we do in this scenarios? Well now that you’ve gone through happiness bootcamp with LaRee I think we’re ready to level up! It’s good to be back! I’ve missed you all

Wasn’t LaRee great??? I hope you enjoyed your time with her in PT bootcamp. I can see your happiness muscles have grown, you’re looking great! But now is not the time to level up and now that you’ve gone through bootcamp I want to hold an intermediate level happy practice today.


When someone gives an undesirable offer to you VALIDATE and REDIRECT toward a mutually beneficial offer.

Come join the conversation and play with us!

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Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

LINKS From Showhttps://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/a-checkout-line-where-slower-is-better-supermarket-jumbo/


What's going on, team happiness. It is so good to be back with you. I hope you enjoyed that. Magical grueling happiness bootcamp with LaRee wasn't that awesome. Look at you now with your happiness muscles, all tone, and you're ready to go. And you know, the plays. This is awesome. I am so excited today to hop back on the mic and to level up now that you've gone through the.

Bootcamp, I think it's time for an intermediate practice. So today we're going to talk about the next level of yes. And because let's be honest sometimes saying yes and accepting and building is not always an easy thing to do. And in fact, there's a lot of times where we find ourselves resisting offers and, there are things that come our way that we just don't know what to do with.

So we're going to dive deep into that today. And I am so excited. Jump in.

As always, we're going to kick things off with our highlight reel and look at a.

pro player on team happiness which actually is the Dutch government. So the Dutch government launched a campaign called the one against loneliness and with the pandemic, there's been a lot of isolation and unfortunately loneliness, but especially with senior citizens and older citizens who are more susceptible to getting.

From COVID. So what the Dutch government did is they launched a campaign and, what they do is a grocery giant chain called jumbo

is actually launching what they call chat checkouts at their grocery store.

and what these chat checkouts are for is specifically for you to have somebody to talk to as you're checking out at the grocery store and to make sure that the. Senior citizens have someone to talk to what a beautiful example of accept and build, and especially on an offer, that's not something anybody wanted to accept the pandemic and taking the opportunity to turn that into a positive as a grocery store.

I love this example, so well done Dutch government. That is a.

Okay. So last week, well, and for the last five weeks, Laurie has been working on you and helping you condition those happy muscles and train you. But specifically last week, she talked about look outward and she left this with an awesome play of the week. She coached us to think of a family member or furry friend or someone nearby to serve an.

How can I add value to you? So I gave this a shot with my in-laws and had an awesome connecting experience with my brother-in-law, who I just love dearly. But what I love about this play of the week that she gave us is that asking that question. It helped me think through how I could be of service in a new way that I hadn't before.

And that's different than asking what can I do for a person or how can I help.

The specific question, how can I add value to you is so good. And it helped me think of a very unique way to serve this individual. So how did it go for you? Did you follow through with Larry's play of the week? Did you give into the temptations of darkness and despair?

We want to hear about your experience. So please reach out and share with us.

Okay team huddle up here before we get into our practice, it is time for our team huddle. We had some awesome comments come through this last week in our feedback survey. So if you have filled that out, thank you so much that feedback and those insights we're getting through the happiness playbook survey is so valuable and insightful.

If you haven't done that yet, it is not too late. And we would love to get your thoughts. If you're listening to this right now, then that means you are. Team player, and we want your insights. So head over to play theory.org, it'll be right there, front and center on the homepage with a link to fill out the survey.

So that's very helpful. But what I wanted to share was actually a little bit of appreciative feedback that we got.

Ellie Farley said, play theory is awesome. With two exclamation points, I've been using it for the past five or six years. The happiness playbook reminds me to apply play theory in my everyday life. They discuss so many subjects that are so applicable to all people. I'm grateful for this super cool podcast smiley face.

Thank you, Ellie so much for your kind words. Those are the fuel that keep this happiness playbook train going. So we really appreciate that, Ellie. You're awesome. And if anyone else listening wants to drop us a line and put a little more fuel in that happiness playbook tank, then please go give us a five-star review on apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts and send us some feedback.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, team.

all right. Let's get into our play by play today. We're talking about, except in. But in a unique way, and this is the intermediate practice. Okay. So we've leveled up. We understand positivity, optimism, accepting an offer and building on that offer. But what happens when there is an offer that comes through.

That is not only not desirable, but could potentially be harmful. Okay. This happens quite a bit. And we want to make sure that anyone listening to this podcast understands when we say accept and build, when we say yes, We're not saying you have to accept and take on and run with every offer that comes your way.

And in fact, there are some offers that come your way that are potentially harmful. And so what we want to talk about briefly today is how do we manage those situations?

I had the opportunity to do a play theory workshop very recently with an awesome group at Sandler training here in Utah. And we had a very insightful discussion around this topic. We were playing the game board meeting, which if you've played that in the past, it's a really fun exercise

that is based on the principle of accept and build and to look outward. So you all sit in a circle and you take turns planning, a fictitious event. We were planning an awesome 4th of July event. And if anyone from Sandler training is listening to this right now, make sure you execute the event. Cause it was amazing.

We had flamingos and hiking. So it was a lot of fun, but how the exercise works is one person gives out an idea and then everybody in the circle does a fist bump and says yes, and validates the idea. And then the next person in line in the circle has to validate the idea. So what happened was I gave out the idea and I said, for our 4th of July, I think we should have flamingos there.

And so everybody did the fist pump, they said yes. When it was the next person that's turned to go, they were immediately thinking of flamingos in their yard, where we were going to have the fictitious event. And they immediately said, well, I don't want a bunch of flamingos going poop in my garden. And it was so interesting because the offer, my offer of flamingos was rejected and we came back to it and did some coaching and this individual actually ended up validating in a beautiful way, my offer and said that the Flamingo droppings would actually fertilize the garden. So it was


actually a good thing. And we kept going along and had this great experience. But in the debrief for this activity, it came up well, Hey, what if somebody really wanted to bring flamingos in my backyard?

And I didn't want that. And we had this great discussion about how to accept and build on undesirable offers. And these were the insights we had that I want you to take with you. If somebody comes to you with an undesirable offer and you could even say a harmful offer.

How do you accept and build that? Here's a little secret. You can always. accept and validate the intentions behind the offer. Okay. Very rarely are you going to find that somebody's intentions are bad if somebody's intentions are bad and they're trying to harm you? You may just need to remove yourself from the situation that's different.

Okay. But nine times out of 10, it's in the execution of an offer where the intentions fall flat. So let's go back to the Flamingo example. If somebody came to your house and they wanted to put flamingos in your yard, you could validate their intentions. You could say something like.

Wow, Neil, I am so glad that you want to spend time with me and I'm honored that you would approach me with this opportunity to hang out with you and your flamingos. Okay. Do you see what I did there? I validated the intentions. But that doesn't mean I'm accepting the offer and what you do after that validation is now you can redirect the offer into a mutually beneficial direction. If I don't want flamingos in my yard, pooping on everything and that's the offer and I accepted that is not mutually beneficial. Okay. I am not happy even if the other person is happy and that is how abusive relationships can start. That's how a lot of unhealthy relationships can form. So you got to find that middle ground in that mutually beneficial outcome and how you do that is once you validated the intentions, which you can do nine times.

You can validate those intentions. Another example would be, somebody wants to hang out with you and you just don't have time. Okay. That's a very tangible common situation, right? Somebody reaches out and they say, Hey, Neil, I want to go out to lunch. Can you go out to lunch with me? You don't have time.

And if you say yes to that, and you don't have time and you're stressed out, that is not mutually beneficial. And that can also result in that feelings toward the person or just unhealthy situation. So you want to avoid that? What you say is, oh my gosh, I would love to hang out with you. And I'm so glad that you reached out.

Okay. There's that validation you validated the intention and then you redirect, and this is how you do that. Let's start with the example of the flamingos.

We've already validated the intention and now we're redirecting. You know what we just recently put in our garden and it's kind of fragile. And so I'm nervous about having the flamingos in our yard, but I would love to do something fun and exciting like that. I know you just got a

new set of VR goggles. Why don't you bring those over? I'll bring some pizza and we can have a great time in hangout. Okay. Do you see what we did there? I still was trying to find an opportunity or an offer that was mutually beneficial. That would help the person giving me the offer feel satisfied, but also make sure that it's a healthy option for me.

So for doing the, going out to lunch example, you know, I would validate the intention. Thank you. I'm so grateful. You want to spend time with me. I'm glad you reached out. And then you redirect, and that, that sounds something like this this week is totally slammed. And Unfortunately, I don't have time this week to go out to lunch, but I'll tell you what, I know this really good place just downtown.

That has awesome tacos. Could you do early next week sometime so that we can still get together and have a good time and catch up? Do you see how powerful that is? There is a lot of power behind. Accept in build, but if it's misguided and you become a yes man and are saying yes to offers that are not mutually beneficial, this can drain you. This can make you bitter. This can ruin relationships and friendships and add in authenticity into the relationship. And we don't want that.

and I'll tell you right now is your happiness coach. I am a yes man. And I say yes to so many things and it often results in me being burned. Stressed out and unavailable to say yes to what really matters. And that is not happiness. We here at the happiness playbook want you to be fulfilled and we're not going to be fulfilled.

If we say yes to everything that comes our way to every offer. And if we think of accept and build as simply receiving everything into our lives, that comes our way, that's going to burn us out and that's not helping. So here is your play of the week that I want you to focus on. When an offer comes your way from another person.

When somebody approaches you with an opportunity, whether to hang out, whether to work on a cool new project or to go do something,

but you don't have time to do it. I want you to validate the intention, build them up in that way and accept that way. And then I want you to redirect the offer into a mutually beneficial situation.

There are some powerful phrases that can help you do this. You can start the validation by saying, I love how passionate you are about filling the blank, right? Or I'm so glad you reached out to hang out. I would love to catch up with you.

Okay. There's the validation, but then comes the redirect and you can always start it with an, a sympathetic. Unfortunately, I don't have time this week

state your truth and then build on that counter with an offer that's mutually beneficial.

This is some expert level stuff we're talking about here. So I hope you can take this with you into the next week and really experience a new depth of happiness that comes from an enthusiastic yes. And not a reluctant. Okay.

Just like the Dutch government took an undesirable, offer the pandemic and then counter offered with the chat checkouts. That is what we need to do this week. Okay. So validate and redirect its expert level except and build. But you got it. You've got your happy muscles, all toned up from the bootcamp with Lori, and now we're going to take it to the next level and really do some reps on those except and build muscle.

and if you want to go the extra smile, share a story or experience you have in the next few weeks with doing this, with that validation and redirect. Again, this is expert level play theory here, but we want to hear about it. So share with us. It is so good to be back. I missed you all and I am so happy to be hopping back on here and to be practicing and conditioning, these happy muscles with you.

You're not going to want to miss next week because we're going to dive into some sound bites from an actual workshop that I conducted and hear in real time, some things. That the participants had that were just awesome nuggets that I want to share with you all. So make sure to come and join us next week. 📍

you all are beautiful. Remember this week to validate, to redirect, to accept and build in positive ways that are mutually beneficial. Most of all, remember that happiness is a skill and the life is a team sport catching next week.

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