Recall the most embarrassing thing that you can think of in this moment...remember those emotions? Whether it’s saying something dumb on a first date, trying something new and totally failing, or even thinking back on things you did in highschool...we’ve all been embarrassed! So what’s happening when we’re embarrassed? How can we navigate embarrassment and develop more happiness? Find out on today’s episode of the happiness playbook!  

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

When someone gives an undesirable offer to you VALIDATE and REDIRECT toward a mutually beneficial offer.

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

LINKS From Show

TRANSCRIPT

I want you to recall the most embarrassing thing you can think of in this moment. Do you remember those emotions? Whether it's saying something dumb on a first date, trying something new and totally failing, or even thinking back on things you did in high school. We've all been embarrassed. So what's happening when we're embarrassed and how can we navigate embarrassment?

And develop more happiness. Find out on today's episode of the happiness playbook.

Hey team happiness. I hope you've had an amazing week. I'm really excited for today's episode and as always, we're going to kick it off with our highlight reel. When student Anthony Moore showed up to class, wearing a hat in violation of the school's dress code. Stony Brook intermediate and middle school principal, Jason Smith knew something was wrong. Eventually he was able to get the student to open up. After about 30 minutes, the youth finally explained he was embarrassed by a bad haircut. He had recently received.

Now the principal could have done a lot of things. He could have enforced , the dress code and he could have come down on the student, sent him home, got him in trouble, but. This is where it gets really cool. The principal actually.

Took him into the school. And right there at school gave him a fresh haircut. Turns out the principle actually in a previous life was a barber for a number of years and knew how to cut hair really well. And so he took this poor embarrassed student who didn't want anyone to see his hair. And he gave him a fresh, clean haircut, so much play theory happening in this highlight reel, but it's specially except in build and let go and play. Now, when he saw the student breaking the honor code, it would have been really easy to just go with the enforcements and to stick to the policy, but he actually took the time to investigate and ask the student what was going on. I found out and then excepted and built on the situation and helped him overcome this embarrassment. So what a beautiful story. I love this. I hope we can all be more like principal. Jason Smith. Last week we discussed redefining true success. And I want to know how it went for you. Were you able to take a moment and ask yourself how you will know when you've been truly successful? It was an awesome exercise for me and I even reworked some parts of my vision board that used to have more financially focused elements of success. And I reworked them and it was so fun to dig deep and really envision what true success is. I want you to keep this in your heart for a while longer. All right. This is not just the play of the week. I want to extend this one out, keep thinking about success and what it will take for you. To be fulfilled by the end of your life. That is a very powerful concept.

All right. All right. Huddle up, everybody get in close because I want to share for our team huddle today, some encouraging, awesome words from Hannah fryer who shared play theory has helped me to better understand what it means to be selfless. Something I'll never forget is when I realized that my self-consciousness was turning into selfishness. I wasn't the only one suffering from my negative thoughts. The people around me were also affected. I have a responsibility to push out my negative thoughts and be present so that I can make better use of my time. See what's going on around me and use my talents, skills and unique traits to do what is needed.

There are so many beautiful nuggets. In these. Uh, beautiful words. And thank you, Hannah, for sharing this with us and for sharing your own experience of play theory and how it's impacted you. It sounds like a very profound shift has happened in your life as is the case for all who apply play theory.

And it's so awesome to hear the realization and the paradigm shift that's happening.

That's what I want for you as your happiness coach here on the other. Side of the speaker. I want you to have that paradigm shift and to really live a more fulfilled and happy life and to develop this skill of happiness. And this is so encouraging. Thank you, Hannah. Again. You're amazing. I keep going team happiness. All right break.

So as we get into our play-by-play here, I want to start with a story, a quick story. This last week, I had the opportunity to play some golf and anyone who knows me knows that I am no pro golfer. And I'm kind of at that awkward stage where. I'm like definitely good enough to go out and play with people, but I'm not good enough to like really pull the team, every now and then I'll get a good drive or when it comes to putting them a little better.

But I'm kind of this awkward stage where I really enjoy it and it's fun. And I'll never say no to somebody, but I always have to give this. Disclaimer, right. That I'm like, Hey, just so you know, uh, I'm not a pro golfer. Anyway, an opportunity came up, there was this fun little tournament.

And I got to go and be on a team of four people. Thankfully, we were doing a scramble, which means everybody takes a turn for that round and you just play off the best swing. So that helps. Right. But I was just doing pretty good during the first three holes. But then. To this. Whole, and I just. I felt the pressure, right? So they had these people watching. There was a, there were sponsors at these different holes for the tournament's along story, but there was just a lot of people watching and I decided, Hey, you know what, I'm going to go first. I'm just going to go in there, go for it.

But then I just felt everyone staring right. And they're watching me. And pull back my swing. And I go and I just totally whacked the ball into somebody else's green. Like it was so bad. All of my teammates. Had to yell for, which means incoming golf ball summit isn't know what they're doing basically. Right. Obviously very embarrassing moment. I had a decision to make in that moment. The one choice is to let my pride get the best of me, right. To kind of shrink, to get awkward. To, Say something awkward and, just try to move forward and hope nobody notices. Right.

The other option was just to embrace the mistake, embrace the situation. And infuse some humor. And I tried the second option. And I said, Wait, which hole where we going for? I thought it was that one. And I pointed to the other green that clearly was not the hole. And so it kind of diffused the situation. And I just laughed at myself. There were a few very embarrassing moments while I was playing golf. But I had this thought in and I knew we were going to talk about it today and I thought, okay, embarrassment shows up a lot in our lives. He shows up every day. And it's so important that we know how to navigate that embarrassment, because if we're not careful that embarrassment can derail our happiness and really cause some problems for our connection with others. And so I wanted to address that today.

Embarrassment happens all the time. Right. But what's really going on when we're embarrassed. There's this awesome article on psychology.com that gives some helpful insight into embarrassment on their site. We read. Embarrassment is a painful but important emotional state. Most researchers believe that the purpose of embarrassment is to make people feel badly about their social or personal mistakes as a form of internal or societal feedback.

So that they can learn not to repeat the error. Now, this is so interesting because in this article we see That embarrassment can have a purpose, right? It's this really strange form of internal or societal feedback. So that we learn to not repeat an error, right. That is what's happening in our brain, in our psyche. And it can do that for us. But what is not helpful is when we allow embarrassment to become this default setting. And it's really easy to slip into this. It's really easy to just feel the emotion of embarrassment unnecessarily and what could be viewed as feedback. If we're not careful can become something much more detrimental.

And I want to distinguish here the difference between shame and embarrassment.

While embarrassment and shame are similar. There are some very key differences that we should take note of shame often carries moral overtone said embarrassment does not.

It portrays a sense of character failing. Rather than a loss of societal status or image. Meanwhile embarrassment colors, the gap between how one wishes to be perceived and how one believes that others are actually perceiving them. Embarrassment can be viewed as helpful feedback, but if we don't address that healthily.

It can start to become shame. Shame is not helpful. Shame has to do with a belief of internal inherent inadequacy. And shame will prevent you from taking risk. It will prevent you from letting go and playing and it will prevent you from being present. Embarrassment can do that as well, but it's less detrimental. The truth is a lot of people will bounce back from an embarrassing incident rather quickly. But there are others who are more sensitive who may develop feelings of anxiety or panic when they think about it, and what can happen if we let this shame come in, if we start to view ourselves as inherently inadequate, Then we might even find that we try avoiding specific social interactions. Out of fear of being embarrassed or humiliated again. And just one embarrassing experience can be detrimental to someone's confidence and sense of self-worth over a long period of time. If we're not careful.

And if we really play this out, if that embarrassment is not addressed and becomes a habit.

It can lead to anxiety, depression. And in extreme cases, the impulse to self harm, which is obviously the opposite. Of happiness in everything we want to promote here on the happiness playbook. So, what can we do?

I'll never forget a very humiliating, embarrassing experience I had in high school at a dance. And this experience is single events. Blasted a crater. In my emotional state that lasted for years. Without going into details. It was a very public thing that happened. Lots of people saw it. And it wasn't just embarrassing, but it was misinterpreted as well. And everyone talked about it. Everyone in my youth groups, all my friends and this thing, goodness was before social media was a very popular thing. and so, thankfully it didn't spread. Uh, didn't go viral or anything, but. It was really hard. And I struggled for about a year and a half, just really addressing this and overcoming this. I stopped going to dances for a while, and it was really hard for me to process that.

But once I was able to look outward and to call upon my support network. It was very healing to talk to some people that I trusted. And to share with them, to infuse some humor, find humor in the situation, which isn't always easy, but can be very therapeutic and helpful. And I, it's really important that we look outward and that we try to view the humiliating incident as an opportunity to build resilience.

So that is the first tip is to look outward. When we're feeling embarrassed. The truth is everyone does embarrassing things. We all have made complete fools of ourselves. We've all put our foot in our mouth. We've all done things that we regret.

And so looking out word and connecting with other people, especially if there's a majorly embarrassing thing, depending on the severity of it can be very therapeutic.

The second tip about overcoming embarrassment is not easy to do, but very important and very powerful. And that is to let go and play and to laugh it off. This works for less severe embarrassing experiences. But it's very powerful. I feel like it's Storytime today, bell, all these embarrassing things I've done, but I will share one more experience. And again, I'm not always good at doing these things, but the times I've chose to.

To handle embarrassment in a positive, healthy way. It's always helped me. So one day I was riding home from class. On my long board had my backpack on all of my books and I was carrying some binders. So I'm riding my long board and I go across a crosswalk across the street.

And my front tire of my long board. Goes straight into this huge hole that I could not see. It was just big enough for my tire to go in. So just front wheel goes right into the hole and just launches me right now this is at an intersection where there's a line of cars on both sides watching me.

And I just wipe out, I got launched off my white board. Backpack binders fly everywhere. Super embarrassing. Right? But again, in that moment, I said I had two choices. I can look embarrassed. I can. Just try to pick up my stuff and I can run away and shame. Or I can laugh at myself. And I decided to laugh at myself. So I got up in front of all the cars and I just took a very majestic bow to them. And I held up my hands and they start, I started honking. They saw the humor on it, and I was able to just go about my day. It's so empowering to just laugh at yourself and it's not easy because we're also very prideful beings and it's hard to, uh, engage that self-deprecation just enough.

To get over an embarrassing moment, but you know what the truth is, we've all done embarrassing things. And we so appreciate when people. Let go and play and laugh at themselves. This is the play of the week. This week when you have an embarrassing experience or your pride is wanting to show up because of mistake. Laugh at yourself. Uh, one of the best ways to get over embarrassment is to laugh it off. In fact. Research. Research shows that people who can laugh off an embarrassing moment are generally viewed as more trustworthy, likable and sociable. This is from the psychology.com article. Realizing that everyone makes mistakes can also help. So just remember everyone makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect. We all do embarrassing, silly things. As you practice. Laughing it off.

Stifling your pride. And just embracing the embarrassment and moving forward, you will be so much better off. And just like the principal who saw an embarrassing moment from somebody else who is suffering from that societal. Rejection or feedback. I hope that you can also be the one who helps others navigate their embarrassment. Never be the one contributing to embarrassment. Never be the one who is laughing at someone. If they are trying to laugh it off by all means, laugh with them, but never be the contributing factor to someone feeling that embarrassment and making that embarrassment.

Evolve into the shame and anxiety that we want to avoid.

📍 Well, well, well, what an embarrassing. Episode of the happiness playbook. I hope you enjoyed that. I hope that you can laugh it off when you do something silly or embarrassing. I'm really excited for next week. You're not going to want to miss it because we're going to talk about focus and how productivity and focus and being present will help you further develop your relationships and your happiness. And we're going to have some awesome.

Pro tips in there.

On how to level up and get more done and stay focused. So you don't want to miss it.

Let go and play, laugh it off, go do embarrassing things and then move forward and don't think about it. Help others. See the humor, help others feel comfortable

and make sure that you look outward when you're feeling that anxiety and depression, embarrassment, shame. Reach out to someone you trust. Tell them, Hey, I'm having a hard time. And I just want to talk to you about something embarrassing.

Embrace the embarrassment.

But most of all, remember that happiness is a skill and life is a team sport. Catch the. Next week.

Do you know what the long term effects of leaving your comfort zone are? How does your attitude REALLY affect your happiness? And what are the dangers of mislabeling TRUE success? Find out today on a jam packed episode of the happiness playbook!   

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

When someone gives an undesirable offer to you VALIDATE and REDIRECT toward a mutually beneficial offer.

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

LINKS From Show

TRANSCRIPT

What are the long-term effects of leading your comfort zone?

How does your attitude really affect your happiness and what are the dangers of mislabeling? True success. Find out today on a jam packed episode of the happiness playbook.

📍 Hey everybody. I hope you had a great week. I'm so excited to be with you today and, to be sharing some awesome nuggets from a live workshop. We did. I thought it would be fun to bring you in and play some real sound bites from a workshop from our participants who were amazing, by the way, shout out to the champion circle who had me come by and do a four week workshop with them.

And we had a ton of fun, played lots of games, and I just met. Awesome people and we're going to keep playing with them. Let's kick things off today with our highlight reel, which is a very interesting one. So an 80 year old man went to a showing of the new James Bond movie entitled no time to die during the viewing. He went into cardiac arrest from a heart attack. Now, this sounds terrible, but it has a happy ending. I promise.

So in the audience, there were four individuals who jumped in some of them doctors. And I think a nurse as well was in the mix and they performed CPR on this individual. And for 15 minutes they kept this guy alive long enough for the paramedics to arrive and he survived. It's Okay to laugh now. Cause you know, he lived right.

Aside, from the ironic title of the movie, he was watching during the incident where he almost died. How awesome of these total strangers to jump in and help save this man's life. They had a skillset and they happen to be in the right time and the right place, and they didn't even stop to think about it.

They just jumped in and started performing CPR. Awesome story with a pinch of humor in there as well. Glad there was no time to die for this man at the theater.

Okay. It's time for the post-game analysis. So last week we discussed the importance of validating and redirecting offers, especially when you're strapped for resources and time. So how did it go? Were you able to validate and redirect offers and find mutually beneficial? Options for you and the individual.

I tried putting this into practice and I actually had a situation with a huge project that I had previously actually said yes to and discovered, or, or rather admitted that I didn't have time for it. And I was able to validate this individual. It was a big project that was going to be a ton of websites.

There's gonna be like 20 different websites, but they're going to be smaller websites and didn't pay as much. And so it was going to take a lot more of my time for, um, you know, less pay. And I was able to validate this individual and tell them I'm so grateful. They reached out and I still want to be involved.

And then we actually found higher paying project that met both of our needs. And so it was a huge win. And I'm so grateful that I am getting better at this as a yes, man. So make sure that you are validating, you're holding healthy boundaries for yourself and finding those reluctant okays and replacing them with enthusiastic.

Yes.

Okay, huddle up here for a minute. Cause we got an awesome testimonial to share with you. the feedback on our survey has been amazing. Thank you for everybody jumping in there and giving your thoughts. So I wanted to share, one piece of great feedback from Adri or Tayga who said

I began listening to play theory because it came at a time of tremendous negativity, community conflict, and restriction. The podcast was an outlet into a different mindset and reminded me of the positive things in the world. And the way I might say. Can be different in spite of whatever else was going on.

Audrey, thank you so much for your kind words. They really are the gasoline in our happiness van. So thank you for sharing. If anyone else wants to take the time, it would mean the world to us. Leave us a review on apple podcasts or send us your feedback on the survey, which is still alive.

And we would love to get as much as possible. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Today, there are three awesome nuggets that I want to share with you from my workshop with the champion circle. And this was an awesome group. We got this group of amazing business owners, entrepreneurs, and they're just excited about life and shout out to John Kovach, who is the. The co-founder of champion circle, who invited me to come and play with them.

We just had a great time and I just wanted to share some of the insights from those amazing participants. So the first one that I want to share with you, um, has to do with leaving the comfort zone. So give this one a listen,

failure and error are the fundamental basis of growth. Let's hear it. Let's hear a clap for that round of applause.

Isn't growth. What we all want at the end of the day, let's talk about the comfort zone for just a second. We have the comfort zone outside of the comfort zone. We have our stretch zone. Outside of the stretch zone, you could argue, there's a panic zone that you don't want to spend too much time in, but we got the stretch zone, which is where we want to be, because that's where we're growing.

I call it the growth zone. Right? Your, your comfort zone gets bigger, right? And we perform very well in our comfort zone. And as you stretch, your comfort zone gets bigger and your performance increases. And that is a very key element to. I love that conversation for so many reasons. We've talked a lot about the comfort zone here on the happiness playbook and how that incorporates into the principle of let go and play but it's important to remember. Long-term what's happening. As we consistently leave our comfort zone, our comfort zone is actually expanding. The great thing to point out here is that anxiety and stress are much more common. As we increasingly spend time in our comfort zone, it's in leaving our comfort zone. As we expand our comfort zone, that our performance actually increases. And that's why over the long-term, it's so important that we are leaving the comfort zone so that that performance can increase and we can be more comfortable doing increasingly harder things.

This next nugget is really good. So listen up has everything to do with focusing on what we can control. So.

My, I try to teach my older kids right now that, um, that they can control what they can control. Um, failure's going to happen. The situation is going to happen where you feel you can't control situations, but you can control your attitude and how you behave within that event within that situation. Um, and that's one thing that I keep telling them time and time again, as you can tell.

Well, you can control. And right now you can control your attitude and how you are acting within this situation. That insight was powerful. That was Sam diamond, a good friend of mine. And I am so grateful. He shared that because we forget the power of our attitude. And that is a very important thing to teach your children if you're a parent, but for us to be reminded as we go through life and encounter very difficult situations.

John Maxwell sums up this thought beautifully. He said, the greatest day in your life. And mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up. We can face some very hard, challenging, stressful, heartbreaking situations, but we always have power over our attitude.

Now I'm not saying that's easy and I'm not saying. Can't have time to mourn and you shouldn't process trauma when it happens. What I am saying is that your attitude will dramatically improve or worsen the situation at hand. So it's important that we work on our attitude and our emotional reaction to these hard situations as they come.

Sam, thank you for that nugget. That's awesome.

to round out her workshop nuggets here. It's an, it's a strange name, but I'm rolling with it

is a more high level, but equally powerful nugget here about success and how we define it. So give this a listen.

Sometimes we need to let go of desires, successes. Ooh, tell me more about that. Um, how often do we think. Same as failures, not always failing themselves. Sometimes we think we need to have a certain success. So we strive to achieve that success, even though it's not what we want, it's not is going to read is happy.

It's not necessarily even a success, but in our mind we hold that as a success. Oh, there's so much to unpack here. And success is a tricky topic because it's such an arbitrary word that can be defined in so many ways.

But I love the angle that Tony Robbins takes with this said success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. And what he's saying, there is a lot of the times we think we've defined success and that we will be happy when we have achieved that definition of success only defined that we had mislabeled success and that we have no fulfillment

he continues by saying. So why are so many successful entrepreneurs depressed? I can speak from personal experience here. I distinctly remember going to St. Lucia with my wife and children and thinking to myself, is this all there is I was feeling depressed. On vacation all because I had reached several of my goals and the expectations of how I would feel when I got there.

Simply weren't there. If we do not carefully define success, we can wind up miserable. And without that fulfillment, Now, I don't know about you, but when I hear that word success, I think broadly speaking, it is defined as wealth, you know, or influence. And there are these kind of worldly definitions of success,

If we fixate on success. Defined as wealth, fame, and fortune at the expense of other much more valuable things like relationships, purpose, and service. We are going to experience the ultimate failure that Tony Robinson's talking about, which is success without fulfillment.

And in order to get that fulfillment, we have to dig deep. And that is a perfect segue into today's play of the week. What I want you to do is to take time to think. And to define true success for you and let go of what others have influenced you to define it as Tony. Overbay our good friend over the virtual couch podcast.

which if you haven't listened to it, you need to go check it out. He calls these socially compliant definitions. And We often make socially complaint and goals, which is allowing others to influence and define our goals. And it's not aligned with our true values and that causes all kinds of problems. But if we can let go of that socially compliant definition of success, you know what others have defined success for us as, and really dig deep onto what will make us happy and fulfilled.

Then we will be much happier. So I want you to redefine success. Is it, what will truly fulfill me? That's the question I want you to ask yourself, is that an amazing marriage purpose-driven work traveling and seeing the world with loved ones, service dig deep. Once you've defined what success looks like for you.

True. Start letting go of the things that do not align with that definition of success. Now, this is a very broad play of the week, but I know as you ponder this, as you start to retweak that definition of success and let go of what you feel, it should be. You're going to be able to truly find fulfillment as you strive for that success.

So that is our player of the week. It's a, it's a broad one. It's a pro-tip. Uh, but it will pay dividends.

Wow. Lots of nuggets on today's episode. I hope you enjoyed that. Thank you all at the champion circle for your thoughts and for sharing those amazing nuggets and letting me share them here with team happiness. Embarrassment is hard to manage and we get embarrassed all the time and we don't even realize how that's impacting our wellbeing and happiness.

So next week, you're not going to want to miss it because we're going to do a deep dive into how to navigate embarrassment and really level up our happiness.

📍 All right. You beautiful people. Thank you so much for joining me today. It was awesome to do this happiness workout with you. I hope this week that you can consistently leave your comfort zone and really expand your performance. I hope that you can focus on what you can control and really start practicing your attitude and reaction to all of these hard situations that come your way.

And most of all, I hope that you can really define true success for yourself and start making those small steps toward finding fulfillment and true success. And as always remember that happiness is a skill and life is a team sport catch next week.

Saying “YES AND” is not always an easy thing to do...in fact there are occasions where we get offers that we want nothing to do with! What do we do in this scenarios? Well now that you’ve gone through happiness bootcamp with LaRee I think we’re ready to level up! It’s good to be back! I’ve missed you all

Wasn’t LaRee great??? I hope you enjoyed your time with her in PT bootcamp. I can see your happiness muscles have grown, you’re looking great! But now is not the time to level up and now that you’ve gone through bootcamp I want to hold an intermediate level happy practice today.

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

When someone gives an undesirable offer to you VALIDATE and REDIRECT toward a mutually beneficial offer.

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

LINKS From Showhttps://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/a-checkout-line-where-slower-is-better-supermarket-jumbo/

TRANSCRIPT

What's going on, team happiness. It is so good to be back with you. I hope you enjoyed that. Magical grueling happiness bootcamp with LaRee wasn't that awesome. Look at you now with your happiness muscles, all tone, and you're ready to go. And you know, the plays. This is awesome. I am so excited today to hop back on the mic and to level up now that you've gone through the.

Bootcamp, I think it's time for an intermediate practice. So today we're going to talk about the next level of yes. And because let's be honest sometimes saying yes and accepting and building is not always an easy thing to do. And in fact, there's a lot of times where we find ourselves resisting offers and, there are things that come our way that we just don't know what to do with.

So we're going to dive deep into that today. And I am so excited. Jump in.

As always, we're going to kick things off with our highlight reel and look at a.

pro player on team happiness which actually is the Dutch government. So the Dutch government launched a campaign called the one against loneliness and with the pandemic, there's been a lot of isolation and unfortunately loneliness, but especially with senior citizens and older citizens who are more susceptible to getting.

From COVID. So what the Dutch government did is they launched a campaign and, what they do is a grocery giant chain called jumbo

is actually launching what they call chat checkouts at their grocery store.

and what these chat checkouts are for is specifically for you to have somebody to talk to as you're checking out at the grocery store and to make sure that the. Senior citizens have someone to talk to what a beautiful example of accept and build, and especially on an offer, that's not something anybody wanted to accept the pandemic and taking the opportunity to turn that into a positive as a grocery store.

I love this example, so well done Dutch government. That is a.

Okay. So last week, well, and for the last five weeks, Laurie has been working on you and helping you condition those happy muscles and train you. But specifically last week, she talked about look outward and she left this with an awesome play of the week. She coached us to think of a family member or furry friend or someone nearby to serve an.

How can I add value to you? So I gave this a shot with my in-laws and had an awesome connecting experience with my brother-in-law, who I just love dearly. But what I love about this play of the week that she gave us is that asking that question. It helped me think through how I could be of service in a new way that I hadn't before.

And that's different than asking what can I do for a person or how can I help.

The specific question, how can I add value to you is so good. And it helped me think of a very unique way to serve this individual. So how did it go for you? Did you follow through with Larry's play of the week? Did you give into the temptations of darkness and despair?

We want to hear about your experience. So please reach out and share with us.

Okay team huddle up here before we get into our practice, it is time for our team huddle. We had some awesome comments come through this last week in our feedback survey. So if you have filled that out, thank you so much that feedback and those insights we're getting through the happiness playbook survey is so valuable and insightful.

If you haven't done that yet, it is not too late. And we would love to get your thoughts. If you're listening to this right now, then that means you are. Team player, and we want your insights. So head over to play theory.org, it'll be right there, front and center on the homepage with a link to fill out the survey.

So that's very helpful. But what I wanted to share was actually a little bit of appreciative feedback that we got.

Ellie Farley said, play theory is awesome. With two exclamation points, I've been using it for the past five or six years. The happiness playbook reminds me to apply play theory in my everyday life. They discuss so many subjects that are so applicable to all people. I'm grateful for this super cool podcast smiley face.

Thank you, Ellie so much for your kind words. Those are the fuel that keep this happiness playbook train going. So we really appreciate that, Ellie. You're awesome. And if anyone else listening wants to drop us a line and put a little more fuel in that happiness playbook tank, then please go give us a five-star review on apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts and send us some feedback.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, team.

all right. Let's get into our play by play today. We're talking about, except in. But in a unique way, and this is the intermediate practice. Okay. So we've leveled up. We understand positivity, optimism, accepting an offer and building on that offer. But what happens when there is an offer that comes through.

That is not only not desirable, but could potentially be harmful. Okay. This happens quite a bit. And we want to make sure that anyone listening to this podcast understands when we say accept and build, when we say yes, We're not saying you have to accept and take on and run with every offer that comes your way.

And in fact, there are some offers that come your way that are potentially harmful. And so what we want to talk about briefly today is how do we manage those situations?

I had the opportunity to do a play theory workshop very recently with an awesome group at Sandler training here in Utah. And we had a very insightful discussion around this topic. We were playing the game board meeting, which if you've played that in the past, it's a really fun exercise

that is based on the principle of accept and build and to look outward. So you all sit in a circle and you take turns planning, a fictitious event. We were planning an awesome 4th of July event. And if anyone from Sandler training is listening to this right now, make sure you execute the event. Cause it was amazing.

We had flamingos and hiking. So it was a lot of fun, but how the exercise works is one person gives out an idea and then everybody in the circle does a fist bump and says yes, and validates the idea. And then the next person in line in the circle has to validate the idea. So what happened was I gave out the idea and I said, for our 4th of July, I think we should have flamingos there.

And so everybody did the fist pump, they said yes. When it was the next person that's turned to go, they were immediately thinking of flamingos in their yard, where we were going to have the fictitious event. And they immediately said, well, I don't want a bunch of flamingos going poop in my garden. And it was so interesting because the offer, my offer of flamingos was rejected and we came back to it and did some coaching and this individual actually ended up validating in a beautiful way, my offer and said that the Flamingo droppings would actually fertilize the garden. So it was

Marker

actually a good thing. And we kept going along and had this great experience. But in the debrief for this activity, it came up well, Hey, what if somebody really wanted to bring flamingos in my backyard?

And I didn't want that. And we had this great discussion about how to accept and build on undesirable offers. And these were the insights we had that I want you to take with you. If somebody comes to you with an undesirable offer and you could even say a harmful offer.

How do you accept and build that? Here's a little secret. You can always. accept and validate the intentions behind the offer. Okay. Very rarely are you going to find that somebody's intentions are bad if somebody's intentions are bad and they're trying to harm you? You may just need to remove yourself from the situation that's different.

Okay. But nine times out of 10, it's in the execution of an offer where the intentions fall flat. So let's go back to the Flamingo example. If somebody came to your house and they wanted to put flamingos in your yard, you could validate their intentions. You could say something like.

Wow, Neil, I am so glad that you want to spend time with me and I'm honored that you would approach me with this opportunity to hang out with you and your flamingos. Okay. Do you see what I did there? I validated the intentions. But that doesn't mean I'm accepting the offer and what you do after that validation is now you can redirect the offer into a mutually beneficial direction. If I don't want flamingos in my yard, pooping on everything and that's the offer and I accepted that is not mutually beneficial. Okay. I am not happy even if the other person is happy and that is how abusive relationships can start. That's how a lot of unhealthy relationships can form. So you got to find that middle ground in that mutually beneficial outcome and how you do that is once you validated the intentions, which you can do nine times.

You can validate those intentions. Another example would be, somebody wants to hang out with you and you just don't have time. Okay. That's a very tangible common situation, right? Somebody reaches out and they say, Hey, Neil, I want to go out to lunch. Can you go out to lunch with me? You don't have time.

And if you say yes to that, and you don't have time and you're stressed out, that is not mutually beneficial. And that can also result in that feelings toward the person or just unhealthy situation. So you want to avoid that? What you say is, oh my gosh, I would love to hang out with you. And I'm so glad that you reached out.

Okay. There's that validation you validated the intention and then you redirect, and this is how you do that. Let's start with the example of the flamingos.

We've already validated the intention and now we're redirecting. You know what we just recently put in our garden and it's kind of fragile. And so I'm nervous about having the flamingos in our yard, but I would love to do something fun and exciting like that. I know you just got a

new set of VR goggles. Why don't you bring those over? I'll bring some pizza and we can have a great time in hangout. Okay. Do you see what we did there? I still was trying to find an opportunity or an offer that was mutually beneficial. That would help the person giving me the offer feel satisfied, but also make sure that it's a healthy option for me.

So for doing the, going out to lunch example, you know, I would validate the intention. Thank you. I'm so grateful. You want to spend time with me. I'm glad you reached out. And then you redirect, and that, that sounds something like this this week is totally slammed. And Unfortunately, I don't have time this week to go out to lunch, but I'll tell you what, I know this really good place just downtown.

That has awesome tacos. Could you do early next week sometime so that we can still get together and have a good time and catch up? Do you see how powerful that is? There is a lot of power behind. Accept in build, but if it's misguided and you become a yes man and are saying yes to offers that are not mutually beneficial, this can drain you. This can make you bitter. This can ruin relationships and friendships and add in authenticity into the relationship. And we don't want that.

and I'll tell you right now is your happiness coach. I am a yes man. And I say yes to so many things and it often results in me being burned. Stressed out and unavailable to say yes to what really matters. And that is not happiness. We here at the happiness playbook want you to be fulfilled and we're not going to be fulfilled.

If we say yes to everything that comes our way to every offer. And if we think of accept and build as simply receiving everything into our lives, that comes our way, that's going to burn us out and that's not helping. So here is your play of the week that I want you to focus on. When an offer comes your way from another person.

When somebody approaches you with an opportunity, whether to hang out, whether to work on a cool new project or to go do something,

but you don't have time to do it. I want you to validate the intention, build them up in that way and accept that way. And then I want you to redirect the offer into a mutually beneficial situation.

There are some powerful phrases that can help you do this. You can start the validation by saying, I love how passionate you are about filling the blank, right? Or I'm so glad you reached out to hang out. I would love to catch up with you.

Okay. There's the validation, but then comes the redirect and you can always start it with an, a sympathetic. Unfortunately, I don't have time this week

state your truth and then build on that counter with an offer that's mutually beneficial.

This is some expert level stuff we're talking about here. So I hope you can take this with you into the next week and really experience a new depth of happiness that comes from an enthusiastic yes. And not a reluctant. Okay.

Just like the Dutch government took an undesirable, offer the pandemic and then counter offered with the chat checkouts. That is what we need to do this week. Okay. So validate and redirect its expert level except and build. But you got it. You've got your happy muscles, all toned up from the bootcamp with Lori, and now we're going to take it to the next level and really do some reps on those except and build muscle.

and if you want to go the extra smile, share a story or experience you have in the next few weeks with doing this, with that validation and redirect. Again, this is expert level play theory here, but we want to hear about it. So share with us. It is so good to be back. I missed you all and I am so happy to be hopping back on here and to be practicing and conditioning, these happy muscles with you.

You're not going to want to miss next week because we're going to dive into some sound bites from an actual workshop that I conducted and hear in real time, some things. That the participants had that were just awesome nuggets that I want to share with you all. So make sure to come and join us next week. 📍

you all are beautiful. Remember this week to validate, to redirect, to accept and build in positive ways that are mutually beneficial. Most of all, remember that happiness is a skill and the life is a team sport catching next week.

This is week 5 (our LAST week!) of our Play Theory Bootcamp! This week, we're focusing on how we can practice Looking Outward. Make others look good, Validate, and asking "What is needed?" are all ways to describe this principle. Come practice happiness with us over the next couple of weeks as we give you ACTIONABLE happiness drills to practice in your day-to-day life!

LaRee will guide us through a very thought-out Play Theory experience for you to combat the pessimism and negativity we find ourselves in these days.

Let's dive in.    

LINKS:

https://www.relevantmagazine.com/life5/want-to-find-yourself-stop-looking-within-yourself/

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Practice saying "YES" and then contributing or building upon the conversation with others. 

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

TRANSCRIPT

📍 Welcome to the happiness playbook, a podcast dedicated to the belief that life is a team sport. I'm your host, LaRee Florence. And this is our last week of our play theory bootcamp, where we're upping our happy game How did you do applying last week's principle except build saying yes.

Were you able in conversations to practice saying the word? Yes. And then validating something that was said before sharing any negative thoughts. One of our listeners, Michael Thomas shared how she was able to recognize that she could be better at validating other's ideas. Even if she couldn't immediately accept them.

She thought she could say something like I hear you, and I'm going to give this some consideration before I give them. She gave this example specifically, quote, another example is shutting down my husband's ideas. When first presented to me, I often mold them over and come back to him later in a more cooperative state of mind.

And I've been telling myself that I just need to process, but the reminder of the power of accept and build really makes me want to truly change that. I need to find ways to say yes and, or at the very least to say, I hear what you're saying. Can I take a little while to mull that over before responding unquote, thanks for the feedback, Michael.

Those are great observations. And please keep up the good work in seeking to change your knee-jerk reaction. A shift in mindset is the way to make that happen. So you're well on your way. In full disclosure. I know Michael pretty well. We spent 10 days on a boat in the Galapagos together, and she serves with me at take note troop.

She's a very generous person. I know, accepting and building is absolutely one of her superpowers that being said, because she took the time to think about and evaluate her mindset. She found room for improvement. That's why a happiness practice is so important. It's not a one and done like exercise or yoga.

You have to do it regularly to see results and like any skill you're trying to master, you have to practice it regularly with intention to improve. That's the power of the happiness playbook podcast. We're here to help you practice the skill of happiness by helping you with a proactive mindset, the fosters positive interactions with others that validates and encourages the principle of acceptance build.

While in conversation, if you can find something to agree with before stating a challenge or offering your opinion, you will build positive new relationships and improve existing ones. This is an idea that can take a lot of time to wrap your thinking around. Just like, as in Michael's example, she's familiar with play theory and knows the nano statement, accept and build, but by focusing on it, she could find another level to apply it to in her life.

It's not surprising. That and builds is a tough one to fully grasp. It's totally counter to our current fear-based defensive divide and conquer culture, which makes us so fear-based, it can be too frightening to imagine anything except a defensive stance. Isn't there a phrase in sports though? The best defense is a good offense accepting and building is just that you're leading out with positive.

Rather than hunkering down and anticipating the negative. I speak from experience. When I say it can be a tough mindset to accept. When I graduated from university, I was a counselor at a home for teens, just out of juvenile hall. It was demanding job that involved loads of training. There was one corporate workshop that introduced this idea of saying yes, instead of no, and even challenged us to eliminate the word, but entirely from our vocabulary.

I guess I didn't get it because I came home and totally mocked this concept to my husband, telling him how ridiculous that idea would be in practice on the job. Well, or should I say Welp as life so often? Does I got a second chance? Guess who organized that workshop that I attended, where I learned that valuable concept of acceptance built Sue Walden.

She was the founder of flash family. And she was the same person who had presented that idea of saying yes all those years before at that earlier corporate. Sometimes just because we aren't ready for something doesn't mean that thing isn't right. It just may not be the right time. So don't give up on this one, even if it feels uncomfortable or too hard, stay open to the possibilities.

All right. Before we get into today's practice, it's time for our team huddle. How are we doing? Did you see the link on our social media for a feedback? Look for the happiness playbook on Insta or the plethora page on Facebook and find our post with their survey link. All advancement requires assessment, and we need your feedback about how the happiness playbook is doing.

After a year of podcasts, we sincerely want this to be about supporting and serving our community. Please let us know how we're doing. You can also visit play theory.org and request a link to the survey. It'll just take a minute, really no time at all. We won't ask for your phone number or share it with anybody else.

So please take a moment and let us know how we're doing. Thank you to those who have shared review or left a rating, except for that one person who left a one-star that pulls us down out of our 73 rinks. We have one one-star. So instead of a five or a 4.9. Just so that everyone's real clear here. That means that you do make a difference without that one star we'd have a five-star ranking instead of a 4.9 ranking.

But I digress. Thank you for living a speed back already. If you have reviewed or ranked us on iTunes or made comments on the episode, webpage, it really means a lot to us. I think everyone wants to make the world a better place. Some of us get hung up on doing it in some huge way. When in reality, we can have the most impact in the simple things within our sphere of influence, like leaving a review that might help another person who really needs the wisdom we share to find the podcast.

It definitely puts fuel in our tank to keep going. So thank you all right. Enough with the team huddle. It's time to get on with our playbook. We're wrapping up our play theory bootcamp with the last of the four play theory principles look outward last week, I promised we talk about the last principle or what we like to call the sum in the play theory equation of life.

When you add, be present to let go and play and times it by accept and build you get lookout. A great way to sum up pun intended. This principle is with the idea, make your partner look good in life. We're surrounded with partners, some of our choosing and others we're stuck with regardless when we play on the same team with them, if they win, we win.

Look outward can also be summed up by one of Stephen Covey's famous seven habits for highly effective life. Think when. Rather than viewing everyone around you as an adversary, see them as a fellow traveler here on the planet, sharing this specific time and place with you. That really is a remarkable thing.

If you think about it, every person we cross paths with is a unique opportunity if we are open to it, but I digress. That's a rather deep dive. We don't have time for today back to the topic of looking at. Here's another angle you can take as a director of stage theater. I'm always reminding actors to make their partner look good.

Meaning their scene partner. Think about it. If the person in your scene isn't believable, then your scene isn't believable. And if you're in that scene, you aren't believable. And for an actor that's. Scripted theaters. One thing in unscripted theater, this principle is even more important. Last week, we talked about how accepting and building is the foundation of improv.

There's a story told about the late John Candy's audition at second city, a very influential hub of creativity, comparatively like the Harvard for comedians. A lot of talent is developed in this improv group. When John auditioned, his scene partner was trying really hard to pull out all the stops of funny and wasn't listening, let alone accepting and building on anything.

John candy was offering wisely. John stopped trying to rest the spotlight from the egomaniac. He was sharing the stage with and just started leaning in 120% to everything has seen partner was offering. Even if it wasn't. As expected with such an inwardly focused, seen partner, nothing magic happened. And John thought for sure, he hadn't made the cut.

It turned out that the directors let him know because he was willing to bend over backwards to try to make such a terrible scene partner look good. They wanted him in the cast. Let me repeat John Candy's commitment to accepting and building on whatever his scene partner offers. And his effort to make his scene partner look better than he was landed him the place in second city that became the launch of his career on Saturday night live and in the film industry, as he continued to try to make others look their best and look outward, he couldn't help, but look good in the process.

Ralph Waldo Emerson has said it is one of the most beautiful compensations in LA. That no, man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself, James and Barry, who was the author of Peter pan said it this way, those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves in theater.

It's pretty clear who our scene partners are. Have you ever stopped to consider who you're seeing partners are in line? Let's talk about the obvious ones like our spouses, our boyfriend, or girlfriend, our significant others consider then the poor logic in not making this person that we chose. Look good.

They'll absolutely be a reflection of us. Why wouldn't we want to represent them in the best light. Actually, I do have some ideas about that. After having years of therapy, there can be some deep seated insecurities that lead us to self-sabotage and I encourage anyone who struggles with this issue to get some professional help.

If you're not too far in the, remember your significant other is yours, not in the sense of ownership, but that you chose them. If you don't look outward and try to represent them in a positive light, that's like buying a new pair of shoes. And then if someone compliments you, you trash talk, the shoes, hold up a sec.

Didn't you buy the shoes? Didn't you choose the shoes from all the others available. Okay. I'm getting a message from my crystal ball of mind reading. Some of you may be thinking, okay. Sure. But sometimes we don't get to choose. I hear you. And yes, that is absolutely true. But think about it. If they're your partner, in some sense, any sense of the word they're on your team in your church group, a part of your family, then they're on your side and they're not there.

The opponent there, maybe other people have posted. Think about a pickable match. If you're playing on a doubles team, then you have two opponents across the line trying to thwart your every effort. So why and fight one more to their side by making an enemy of your teammate. Here's another angle on why look outward is so valuable.

Dr. Martin Seligman long ago, figured out that there are three types of happens. And let me check my crystal ball of mind reading again. What's that? Yep. We all want to be happy. We may have different ideas of how to get there, but we all want to feel happy. So here's the three types Dr. Seligman identified pleasure, satisfaction, and meaning let's break it down.

Number one. Pleasure feels great in the moment. We all know it's fleeting. We love that double scoop of chocolate, double fudge deliciousness, but once the cone is gone, so it's the pleasure. And we are more times than not left with regret. Number two, satisfaction. This happens as we use our unique gifts frequently.

This one's better than pleasure because it lasts longer and there's not the regret, but what about when we can't. Maybe we have an illness like chronic fatigue, or we can't find a pickleball court to play on that fits our schedule. A lot of folks spend a lot of time working out the logistics around this one.

That's not about thing. There is a better one though. And that's number three, meaning this is when we use our unique gifts for a purpose greater than ourselves. In this scenario, we're looking outward and trying to serve another person. It might not be the funnest way to use our gifts or talents, but it can feel the most appreciated way to share them and gives us the longest lasting feeling of joy and happiness.

William Blake said we are all looking for purpose. It is best found outside ourselves. He also said this about mankind's search for purpose and meaning. I sought my God and my God. I couldn't find, I sat my soul and my soul alluded me. I sought to serve my brother in his need and I found all three, my God, my soul, and the, I love that.

I hope you can hit, you know, 15 seconds back and replay that one in today's world. We're told, we'll find answers to the need to find purpose by looking inward, an article in relevant magazine addresses this idea, despite the fact that 91% of Americans agree with the statement, quote, the best way to find yourself is by looking within yourself.

Unquote. The articles, tile reads, quote, want to find yourself stop looking within yourself. Unquote, it's an interesting read that talks about how we really aren't going to find our purpose. If we're only looking inward, all leave a link in the show notes. Of course we do need to be introspective and self-care is absolutely essential.

If we're going to be able to care for us. But the idea that we'll find purpose without connection and interaction is ill-founded. We need each other to learn, to serve to love. And that is the root of our last play theory principle only when we're present with another person and we let go of our judgments and forgive our mistakes and step in to interact wholly while we accept and build upon one another another's ideas.

Can we truly see others and look beyond ourselves and outwards. Fred Rogers, the famous Mr. Rogers. If Mr. Rogers neighborhood had this down, pat each day on set after all the building and accepting and letting go and playing previously done to get to the place where the cameras were rolling. He would drop into the present moment and focus in on the camera lens, looking outward into the home of a small child.

He imagined there on the other side of that camera listening, as he shared something he hoped would serve and help. It's no wonder that Fred later became a trusted voice to assuage our fears after the tragedy of 900. With his powerful advice to look for the helpers, whenever there was tragedy or hardship, he promised we would always be able to find someone trying to help and serve one another.

I believe him as a theater director, I've learned that looking outward is truly a superpower over the years. I've seen some kids with stage. It's asking a lot to memorize long paragraphs and old English, and then to go out on stage and hope, you can remember it all while in front of hundreds of people, some of whom, you know, and you may be wearing some crazy costume or worse types and pumpkin pants and.

Every time, stage frights, reared its head. I have reminded the actor to look outward and instead of thinking and worrying about themselves to think about how to make their scene partner look great, or how to look outward and serve the audience by making sure they can hear and understand the message that's been prepared and Astra as Dr.

Solid. If the actor has found some meaning or purpose in the role that they want to share with audience they're even more empowered to perform. Well, one year our Shakespeare in the park was the Tempest. It's one of my favorite Shakespeare play. Some consider it autobiographical as it comes at the end of an illustrious career.

And the main character Prospero has this really powerful monologue about stepping away from the important work he has been pursuing for our staging. We had cast Prospero as prosperous a woman in the plot. Prospero sets all these things in action in order to provide a good future for her. At the end of the play, she has to say goodbye because her daughter has fallen in love and will be leaving her.

Well, our prosper or actress, Rachel Hodgson was a senior about to graduate and was facing the prospect of leaving her mother and stepping away into the great unknown future as we work together and connected the dots between the fictional prosperous experience and what she was going through. With Rachel's own mother's experience.

She was able to share a beautiful depiction of a mother's love and the hope juxtaposed by the pain of sending a child out into the world who, although well-prepared would be sorely missed back at home. As you can imagine, every single show as Rachel stood on stage and looked outward towards her mom's experience of having to say goodbye to her.

There wasn't a dry eye in the audience or performance actually won her an ele, a prestigious regional theater award. And more than that, much more long lasting by looking outward. Rachel was able to relate to her mom's experience, which brought them closer together. Look outward is essential for. Without it, our individual experiences contract into ever limiting one sided perspectives based solely on our own experience.

This of course is a false reality because we are all intimately related. Even the most selfish of us must come to see that our actions come back to affect ourselves. Ironically, in the end, looking outward is self-serving when we do good, we get good done to us. We are also the beneficiaries. Okay. That sums up the happiness equation.

When we think of others, rather than ourself, it cultivates confidence and a sense of purpose. As we turn outward and seek to make our partners look good, we end up looking great, generous intentions, build trust, and win-win thinking creates synergy. We could all use more of. For our play of the week. I'll leave you with a couple of Gamechangers.

You can pull out any time the next time you're with another person or pet. If you're blessed with a special four legged friend who has a personality that marries merits interaction, look at them and ask yourself, how can I add value to them? Maybe it's a word of praise. Maybe it's a warm smile or validating.

Look at them. See them with the Corona virus. We're hearing a lot about ICU's, which means intensive care unit. Listen again, though, I see you when we see each other, it is an invaluable form of caring and connection. Did you know that making eye contact releases a feel good brain chemical called. People are hardwired for connection.

And we can't do that if we're always looking inward, so care more about others, give them a little tender ICU care. Your workout this week is to consider the importance of looking outward notice when you're able to do it. And when you need to take some time for self focus or self. To really see results.

Think about someone on your team. Maybe it's a sibling coworker or your spouse, and take a few minutes and really think about what life looks like from their perspective. Find a few questions you can ask about their experience and take time to reach out and connect. Maybe it's a simple thing. Like how was it being the oldest in her family, or maybe you'll feel impressed to go deeper with.

What was it like when your parents divorced ask with sincere interest and then listen, validate their answer and check in with how you feel since you just made your partner look good. You'll probably feel great. Keep working on this mindset and practicing the skill. And pretty soon you'll be able to run a proverbial lookout word irony.

And if you want to go, the extra smile, look outward and help your happiness playbook teammates out here on the happiness playbook podcast. Join the conversation on our social media. Leave a review on iTunes. We would love to hear from you. And if you value what you've learned here, look outward. Think about others, you know, that would be benefited by listening to the happiness playbook and invite them to do the play theory bootcamp.

When we teach, we learn by looking outward and sharing the playthrough principles with others. We increase our awareness and understanding while also enhancing our ability to practice it. Life truly can be a win-win. We all want the world to be a better place. And this is how it has. One interaction at a time.

Now, as we wrap up our happiness bootcamp, let us know on play theory.org or on our social media. If you made it through all four principles and we'll send you a plethora sticker, you can put somewhere to remind you to keep going on your happiness practice and to remind you of what we're working on here at the happiness playbook.

Remember, as you downs has. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes here at the happiness playbook. Consider us your personal happiness coach at the ready to help you develop the attitudes and mindset needed to achieve happiness. 📍

Next week, Neal Hooper will be back as our regular host and happiness. Extraordinary. So stay tuned and keep listening for more tips on how to up your happy game till then catch you next time.

This is week 4 of our Play Theory Bootcamp! This week, we're focusing on how we can practice Accepting and Building. Validation of others, agree where possible, and having enthusiasm are all ways to describe this principle. Come practice happiness with us over the next couple of weeks as we give you ACTIONABLE happiness drills to practice in your day-to-day life!

LaRee will guide us through a very thought-out Play Theory experience for you to combat the pessimism and negativity we find ourselves in these days.

Let's dive in.    

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Practice saying "YES" and then contributing or building upon the conversation with others. 

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

TRANSCRIPT

📍 Welcome to the happiness playbook, a podcast dedicated to the belief that life is a team sport. I'm your host, Larry Florence. And this is week four of our play theory bootcamp, where we're up in her happy game

this week's highlight reel is about the red head convention that takes place every year in the county.

Cork people with red hair have gathered every year in Southern Ireland for the Irish redhead convention. Held over three days, the celebrations include crowning the ginger king and queen competitions for the best red eyebrows and most freckles per square inch. Red hair is the rarest of hair. Colors and accounts are only 2% of the world's population.

Scotland has the highest percentage of natural redheads in the world with 13%. And can you guess who comes in second? If you guessed Ireland, you'd be correct. They clock in at 10% of the world's population. So that means 23% are in the British Isles. That's crazy. This festival was the idea of a red-headed brother and sister Jolene and Dennis Cronin.

I love it. They siblings cut together and did something really fun that thousands and thousands of people are. All right. It's time for our post-game analysis. How did you do with last week's principle? Let go and play. Did you notice when you were willing to let go and have fun? Did you notice when you weren't and when you felt foolish, what thoughts did you have about letting go of.

Before we get into our practice for this week. It's time for our team huddle. Wanna give a shout out and a thank you to the 166 new play theory. Facebook page likes. You can also follow us at the play theory. Well, it's actually the happiness playbook Instagram account. So thank you for connecting with us on social.

All right. It's time to get on with our play-by-play for this week's principle so far in our play through bootcamp, we've covered be present and let go and play. These two principles are often intertwined. As a matter of fact, it's an ongoing debate about which one we should teach. First, for example, when I'm playing pickleball and heaven forbid I hit it into the net.

If I don't let go of the mistake, I get stuck in the past replaying what went wrong. And then I ended up missing the next shot. That comes my way because I wasn't being present. I'll perform much better if instead of dwelling on the mistake, I let go and play and refocus on being present by literally keeping my eye on the ball as it comes off the servers pattern.

And focusing in on it, which brings me back to the present moment and helps me let go of the previous mistake. Not letting go is the antithesis of being present, but enough review last week I promised we talk about the play theory principle that started it all.

Some of, you may know that I'm the founding artistic director of take note troop, an award-winning afterschool youth theater program. We specialize in annual performances of Shakespeare in the park for cities of Rocklin, fulsome, and Auburn here in Northern Cal. We also have an award-winning improv team.

We're the only team that scored a perfect 100% in adjudication taking first place in yield improv competition, a improv competition that's affiliated with the Utah Shakespeare festival, but that's a whole other story at first glance, Shakespeare and improv seemed to be at polar opposites of the theatrical realm.

One is the pinnacle and scripted theater and the other is without any script or preparation at all, how did we come to do both and to do both very well? Well, when my oldest daughter was 13, she approached me about learning Shakespeare. And since we were homeschooling, I set out to teacher what started out as a cooperative of families in my back.

Spring the audience with a hose to recreate the waves at the Tempest grew into a regular long standing program that serves hundreds of families in our community. Jana Hargadon was my partner in starting out on this journey and she knew of an improv group in San Francisco called flash family that did apply theater or improv workshops.

She thought it'd be good for the cast to have a safety net to fall back on. If they forgot a line or made a mistake. And that made sense to me, even though the idea of unscripted theater improv was rather intimidating. And I really wasn't interested in the idea, but Jen insisted. And so we loaded up our cast of around 30 teenagers, drove into San Francisco to a second story, open warehouse loft to do a workshop, even though I had trepidations.

As I listened to Andy, the workshop leader, explain the guidelines for improv. I felt myself drop into a moment outside of time. As everything in the room fell away and to force outside of myself, communicated without voice pay attention. This is one of the most important things you'll ever learn. That's certainly got my attention for those familiar with improv you'll know the foundational rule who even knew there were rules to improv is say yes.

And let me explain in a made up scene where no one knows what's going to happen. Someone has to start it with something like walking on stage and saying, good morning. The scene partner would then say yes to being their mom and that it's morning if instead the other person in the scene rejects that and says something like, Hey, hold up.

I am not your mom. And it's 10 o'clock at night. Then instead of having something to build a scene on, they've both got exactly nothing. For example. Two actors step on stage to start an improvised scene. There are no scripts, no rehearsals, just an idea or prompt given in the moment, usually drawn out from the audience could be something pretty vague like school bus or Atlantic city or marshmallow.

The actors then use that idea to form something solid from the ethos of the present moment and their collective creativity sounds pretty crazy. And it is except it's the sanest most real thing we could ever think of because it's the only real thing each of us does every single moment of our lives.

I'm serious. Think about it. None of us rehearse living. We don't have a script. We don't have practices. We wake up and we go through each moment creating. As we go. And if there are others in our moment, then we get to create it with them. Instead of having a prompt, like marshmallow, maybe it's work, zoom meeting, or maybe unexpected encounter with your ex or even just boredom.

What do you do with those scenarios? How do you act in them? And here's the map? Just as staged improvised scenes are built around saying yes and, and building on ideas. So we're the daily minutiae of our lives. We progress and create as we accept the situation and build upon, instead of rejecting it or denying it or trying to demean it or control it or manipulate.

Those actions don't bear good fruit instead, try, accepting whatever the situation is. And then building on it. We used to call this third play theory principles say yes, and, but it's harder to explain. So we've distilled it down to its essence and instead call it accept and build, which is what you're doing in an improv scene.

When you say. To be clear by saying, except I'm not saying for example, that you accept a negative situation like abuse and just live with it. I am saying, except that it has happened and then move in the direction you want to go based on an honest appraisal of where you are. Another example might be living in denial of having.

Instead of avoiding a weigh in on the scale or acknowledging that you can't make it up the stairs without a break to catch your breath, make an assessment of where you are and then take steps to get where you want to be. If you don't ever acknowledge where you're at, you won't be able to chart a course to where you want to go.

Think about your map. You have to first list where you are before it can tell you how to get where you're going. Also, when there's something that's dangerous or threatening, of course, I want to make it clear. You don't have to accept that or say yes to that. You say no, because no stops things. What I am saying is that in our culture, we're more fear-based and apathetic than we need to be in.

We say no out of habit or fear when a yes or acceptance of at least part of the offer would build a relationship or move us towards a solution instead of further polarization and division. So now, you know, the very beginnings of how play theory came to be after that revel, a Tory experience in the workshop, I spent a lot of time cogitating on what was so impressive.

And then putting those ideas and principles into action. And that's how the play third principles came to be the really just what sports psychologists call relevant cues, meaning two to three actionable words that act as powerful triggers to influence our behavior in positive ways. Hopefully. These queues help us focus on specific actions that dramatically increase our ability to achieve our desired outcome, which in the case of play theory is a positive mindset that fosters creativity and positive collaboration.

Now for our play of the week, I'll leave you with a thought that is a total game changer. Think about our interactions with others as an exchange of energy in the martial art of Kung Fu the power is found in accepting and then redirecting energy that comes from an opponent rather than trying to block or stop it acceptance and saying yes, builds energy.

Well saying no stops. Just as in an improv scene in life, when we accept other's ideas and build upon them or redirect them, it generates constructive energy leaning in with enthusiasm and saying yes, when appropriate fuels, acceptance of self and others, and is the bedrock of validation. It's a great way of looking at life.

Give it a try. Did you notice the example of acceptance built in her highlights? What a wonderful way for this brother and sister to work together, to accept their hair color, that I have known some red heads that, that reject it they're embarrassed, or they don't like how they stand out from other people.

And instead these siblings accepted it and then built a wonderful opportunity for others who share the same characteristic to come together and to celebrate. I think that's such a fun example. When you start looking around, you'll see really great positive examples of this principle all around you.

Some of the really successful companies in our era, take this on as their, their mode of operation to get outstanding results. So watch for it. All right. Are you ready for this? Week's workout in conversation, practice. Saying the word. Yes. Then add more to whatever part of the statement you can agree with.

For example, yes. The election is very important and I'm confident we both want the best scenario for all involved. Did you see what I did there? I didn't have to agree on what vote I was going to make. We could agree that we both wanted good things to happen. So practice literally saying yes and then validate something that was offered before sharing any negative thoughts.

Another example, if I had to tell someone no, when they asked my permission, I could still say yes. Yes. I understand how important it is for you to take the car tonight. And I'm sorry, it's not available even though I'm not agreeing, you can see that I'm still validating the person's request. They might not be happy about it, but they'll feel more valued than if I just said, no, you can't have the car because.

Be sure to notice when you want to say no and ask yourself why, and instead look for ways to accept whatever part of the person's idea you can and build on that rather than focusing on the negatives. So often that's the first thing we go to is the problem. And we drill down on that rather than celebrating the positive that we.

Keep practicing the skill. And pretty soon you'll be able to clock and under four minute proverbial accept and build mile. And if you want to go the extra smile, try replacing no. And the word, but with yes, and for an entire day, can you go a full 24 hours without saying the word? Be sure to join our conversation on their plate theory, Facebook group, and direct message or comment on the happiness playbook, Instagram, and let us know how you did.

We'll send you some play through swag. If you can last an entire day, if you want more encouragement for your happiness practice, be sure to follow us on social media.

Next week 📍 is our last play through. Which is the sum in the plethora equation of life. Be sure to tune in until then. Remember, life is a team sport and we're so happy to have you play with us here at the play theory bootcamp.

If you're finding value, please share it with your friends and bring them on board. The play theory team catch you next time.

This is week 3 of our Play Theory Bootcamp! This week, we're focusing on how we can practice letting go and playing. Leaving your ego at the door, taking risks, and having fun are all ways to describe this principle. Come practice happiness with us over the next couple of weeks as we give you ACTIONABLE happiness drills to practice in your day-to-day life!

LaRee will guide us through a very thought-out Play Theory experience for you to combat the pessimism and negativity we find ourselves in these days.

Let's dive in.    

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

LINKS:

https://www.sltrib.com/news/2021/08/16/utah-man-jumps-into-tank/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbx1MVThTfg Shuffle Dance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Kj3wWKjMSQ Floorwalkers Dance
https://youtu.be/3NomZw-KD34 Bollywood Dance

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Laugh out loud for 20 seconds and take note of how it changes your emotional state. 

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

This is week 2 of our Play Theory Bootcamp! This week, we're focusing on the ability to be present. Mindfulness is another way to describe this principle. Come practice happiness with us over the next couple of weeks as we give you ACTIONABLE happiness drills to practice in your day-to-day life!

LaRee will guide us through a very thought-out Play Theory experience for you to combat the pessimism and negativity we find ourselves in these days.

Let's dive in.    

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Find ways to Look Outward for your friends and loved ones (whether they are still here on earth or not!). 

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

This is week 1 of our Play Theory Bootcamp! Come practice happiness with us over the next couple of weeks as we give you ACTIONABLE happiness drills to practice in your day-to-day life!

LaRee will guide us through a very thought-out Play Theory experience for you to combat the pessimism and negativity we find ourselves in these days.

Let's dive in.    

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Find ways to Look Outward for your friends and loved ones (whether they are still here on earth or not!). 

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

(IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! OUR FIRST ONLINE OFFERING!)

Sign up at https://www.playtheory.org

Welcome to a very special episode of the happiness playbook. Today I have the one, and only Adeline Florence here to discuss how Play Theory can enhance your relationship with your roommates or other people you live with. We chat about how we can apply play theory to not only getting along together with people you're living in the same house with, but to really flourish and have deep connection with those that you live with. So really excited.

If you are going to college, or you have roommates in any capacity, you're going to want to tune in. If you know, people that are in that situation, we are going to discuss some very concrete tools here to just make those environments and those relationships flourish. So. Very excited. Adeline. Thank you for joining today.

Let's dive in.    

YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJCE2mr6QBhXUgeoQx4HnzA 

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Find ways to Look Outward for your friends and loved ones (whether they are still here on earth or not!). 

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

Today is part two of my conversation with the one and only...amazing, beautiful, lovely Aubrea Hooper (my soulmate.) We discuss Accept and Build AND Look Outward (the MOST important principle for longterm marriage success)

GET ON WAITLIST FOR VERY SPECIAL MARRIAGE / RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE!

https://www.playtheory.org/optin/

Join the Magnetic Marriage Program by Tony Overbay and Preston Pugmire!

https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/register

PLAY OF THE WEEK: 

Make your partner look good. Period. Compliment them. Talk them up to others. Tell them WHY you appreciate them.

Come join the conversation and play with us!

WEBSITE https://www.playtheory.org 

Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/playtheory/

Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1652343491608927/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/playtheory4life/ 

Remember that Life is a team sport, so let's play together!

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